I don’t have you anymore,
But, what does that even mean?
I have lost your physical presence,
In that, your ‘form’ no more exists,
As it once did.
But, were you form alone?
Or, was there more of you?
May be that which they call ‘spirit’?
Hasn’t all my experience of you
Forever been a taste of your spirit?
Wasn’t it the spirit behind the
Manifestation of your form?
And, wasn’t your form a means
To express your spirit?
If all that you ever were,
And, all that you would have been,
Is essentially your spirit,
A spirit core and unique to you,
Then have I even lost you?
Because, yes, I do not see you around
Anymore, but, that hasn’t denied
Me from living the flavor of your being.
I wish what happened didn’t happen
But, your happening was
A greater happening for me.
What transpired from you to me
In those little moments of togetherness
Is that I have been graced by
‘Your intangible spirit’.
What in me, could ever miss you
If your spirit didn’t dissolve itself in mine?
Even while I would wish
To see all that you would do,
Hear all that you would have to say,
But, could I ever have enough of
Your words and gestures and expressions?
Could I ever be content, at any point in this life,
And allow you to change your abode
Even while I know that
What comes as a form must go?
I have failed to reason
Why your form departed now,
And why not later?
As much as I have failed
To answer why should you
Have even happened to me!
I have spent some sleepless nights until now.
Your absence has been unfathomable.
Death has a feeble voice, and
It has subtly spoken, asserting to happen to me too.
Having sensed the absurdity of its occurrence
With no regard to any of my (human) sensibilities,
I have silently accepted
You form’s absence.
But, through your formless presence
I realize that our forms are governed
By space and time, but, spirit is beyond them.
I realize that beyond death’s absurdities,
And my sensibilities,
Lies your spiritual presence
That shines and shall shine
In my form, and afterwards,
In my spirit.