‘You’

by

7

Before “it”,
You were in your world,
And were fine,
At least because, you were in it.
Till “it” ,
I was in mine and fine in it.

There has been,
No thought about you,
No contact,
Since our last meet,
And, we met only a few times,
Before that meet.

Then, “it” took place.

And, since “it”,
I have been thinking about you –
Consciously,
Sometimes, unconsciously,
But, constantly –
Reminiscing the little time,
Spent with you.

Within that time,
Sharing the same space,
Few words partook,
Fewer gestures, too,
And we reveled in ‘a’ song.
(Now, ‘the’ song)
But, there was something ‘more’,
That instilled in me,
To which I unknowingly held on.

I could realize it,
But, only after “it”.

That time and those exchanges,
I do not miss,
I may never,
For I lived them well, with you,
And, they also stay memorized,
For me to go back to.

Your-not-being,
Is a harsh truth,
That I am able to,
Now, be with.
Because,
I won’t be too,
Is a harsh truth,
I have been able to,
Live with.

But, your absence,
(During “No contact”)
While you were,
Didn’t bother,
And, is different from,
Your absence,
(Since “it”)
While you are not,
That bothers.
I have asked,
Why is it?
And, could have only asked,
Since “it”.

That ‘more’,
I was infused with –
In those moments that we shared,
Through the words that you said,
Or while making gestures that you made,
Or during the song we reveled –
Is a feeling deeply etched,
Defining ‘You’,
Within me,
Deeper than any memory,
Beyond words, gestures and the song.
Just inexplicable.

Since “it”, till now,
The rewinding,
To memories you have left behind,
Has been a search, I think,
To somehow,
Feel once more,
That you,
That ‘more’.

Which now I am certain,
Cannot happen.

Here on, when I rewind,
To memories you have left behind,
To that feeling you brought forth,
I shall live with,
A remembrance,
A smile,
A silence.

7 thoughts on “‘You’”

  1. This is such an intricate poem, reflecting the intricacies of life, love and loss. None of it is straightforward and it can prove hugely unsettling (but perhaps, in hindsight, of benefit) when we realise that we no longer feel the way that we used to feel, about the person who is now gone.
    If someone removes themselves from our lives, and they are still with us, still alive, still walking the same planet as us, we can hold on to the ‘maybe’, and that isn’t always beneficial. Once they are gone, the ‘maybe’ goes too, and that can be freeing, eventually.
    I’ve read this a few times now, and am still seeing it anew, differently each time.
    I admire your ability to express your thoughts like this.

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    • Thank you. Yes, I realized that time well lived with people is all the time you have with people. And, once that is done, one should consider oneself fortunate to have so much and such time.

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  2. I am perusing your blog, finding Hidden Gems, like this one. I read it thrice, uncertain, curious, then, deeply moved. I connect to the the sorrow you express through the loss of someone very dear to me (being my mother) which I found relate-able in your words. But there is so very much more here, such honesty, delicately intertwined with subtlety. I shall read it once more, perhaps twice, because I am certain I shall read it with a different connection each time.
    Brilliance, Sandeep!

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    • I hope you are coping well with regards to your mother’s loss.

      This is such a strange poem that after writing it, I was wondering if I should post it. Now, with a few responses, like yours, I feel it was worth it.

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      • You never know how your words will effect someone. I’ve felt that way as well many times, and usually those are the poems/posts that create the most powerful responses. I like to think that feeling is Doubt/Fear trying to keep you from doing something that will be powerful/useful.

        I am coping well, Thank You. Close Family and friends have certainly helped. it was quite difficult at the time, because on top of the loss I had to sell our house and move, so it was a complete upheaval, but it is good now. I am well.

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  3. It feels good to read about your well being. I wish you good health and stability.

    I agree with you about words and their effect and that is the reason why I finally posted it. As, a certain understanding that has come to me from a certain true source within me, makes me feel that it is always worth sharing. That, there is always someone waiting to receive those words that would matter the most to that person. But, as it is, the words have been true for me, to say, the least, even if they don’t find resonance with any one else.

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